| Anne Williamson |
For at least 6 months now, maybe longer, I have received this message every time I open my computer: “Your startup disk is full. You need to make more space available on your startup disk by deleting files.” So naturally, I simply moved a few things around, deleted just enough files, to keep working.
I didn’t get it.
Even after sensing I needed and taking a “break” in January, I kept pushing. I used that time to get caught up on administrative “to-do’s”. Physically, I continued plowing through cold after cold, knowing my body was trying to tell me something but ultimately ignoring it.
Then, about two months ago, I opened my computer and got this message: “Your hard drive is full.”
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a good cry. I could feel it deep in my bones. I am creatively, spiritually, even emotionally, spent.
So, I am taking some time. July 2nd – August 6th to be exact.
The black feminist activist Audre Lorde famously said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
I plan to learn from Ms. Lorde over the coming weeks. I am not a person of color, so I will never have that significant daily “battle” with which to contend. But, I am a woman, a wife and a mother… and in our culture, these roles are expected to, I was socialized to, give and give (for no pay, of course). Add onto this identity, minister, and I have felt myself, I have let myself, be slowly washed away.
So, I am leaning into holding these roles in new ways in my life… using my privilege to shine light on the truth and carve new ways forward for myself and others. I am doing this for me… because I love myself… and for my girls, my husband, my family and friends, WAYfinding, and all those who could use another sustained voice for justice, mental health, boundaries, joy and equality.
Here’s to the next leg of the journey. May we all continue to find our way.