INVITATION: RISKY AND WORTH IT

| Anne Williamson |

Invitation is tough. It involves risk, courage, vulnerability… Will they hear and like my ideas? Will he say, “Yes”? Can I communicate my vision? Am I a good leader? Appreciated member of the team? Does she value my friendship like I value hers? Does he value me? Will they care as much as I do? Will they be fair? Will she show up? Gladly? Lovingly?

Often, these are questions to which we’re not sure we want the answers. Past experiences, current insecurities, ignorance, all make us wary of extending that invitation, of extending ourselves. It’s far easier and much safer simply not to ask. 

For all we risk in invitation, though, the alternative is actually far riskier....

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POLITICS IN THE BEDROOM? TURNS OUT, NOT SUCH A BAD IDEA.

| Anne Williamson |

Synchronicity. It’s a great word – to say, but even more so, to experience. A month ago, as I was imagining and researching the topics for this round, I came across two seemingly unrelated articles: one, on why some marriages last and others fail, and the other, a conversation between President Obama and author Marilynne Robinson on, among other things, the state of America’s democracy. Surprisingly, the two articles discussed similar ideas.

As I continued researching Robinson’s perspective on democracy, the growing similarities between it and creating lasting relationships turned my initial calm curiosity into outright geeky giddiness. Don’t worry; I’ll spare you the graduate paper I wish I had been assigned. In fact, I simply want to use this week’s blog post to encourage you to read and discuss. WAYfinding participants this round get the benefit of me having culled the most relevant segments from four unique Robinson conversations and articles, but for others reading this, start here. Then, also read the marriage article, which is not just for the coupled among us. 

I hope most of you will be taking part in a WAYfinding group this week, giving space and new perspectives to your reflections. This, among other things, is the gift of what we do in WAYfinding. But, if you’re not in a group, first, it’s not too late! In fact, several groups are starting this week instead of last. You can learn more and sign-up here. Or, if participating isn’t possible, set an intention to read and share these articles and your thoughts with others. Loving better than we did yesterday – like relationships, like democracy – is not a given, it’s (to borrow Robinson’s words) “a made thing that we make continuously.” May it be so.

COMPASSIONATELY HUMAN

| Anne Williamson |

I haven’t been feeling particularly spiritual lately. No high-brow thoughts of g/God or the meaning of life. No extraordinary moments of awe or generosity. Instead, my thoughts linger on the ordinary: what to fix for dinner, household projects and preparation for baby #2, how to motivate myself to walk more, game nights and favorite TV shows. As my emotions fluctuate from joy to sadness, loneliness to connection, anger to peace, I don’t feel at all “enlightened”; I feel deeply human....

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COMING TO THE TABLE

| Chase Tibbs |

You can already feel the tension. The tug is coming from all sides. You feel you have to commit to one or the other. The middle ground is as grey as can be. And along with the wins, there are the losses that come with how you approach the conversations. On the one hand, if you don’t bring up conversation regarding the latest situation/news, aren’t you participating in the “quietness” around the current issue? On the other hand, if you bring up conversation on the current news, you may be risking your relationships because of your differing opinions and perspectives on said latest situation/news.

We live in a world where disagreeing is not tolerated. Multiple perspectives cannot find a harmonious community. Diversity in theologies and ideologies is unable to sit at the same table.

If only there was a handbook for conversation around the holidays when sitting with family and friends with whom we disagree...

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ONCE AGAIN, GRATEFULNESS

| Anne Williamson |

Life has been a little nutty for me lately. Between the pregnancy nausea and fatigue, busy work schedule, house to-dos, and I-must-try-out-every-emotion-available-in-the-next-30-seconds threenager living with us, I collapse into bed most nights. Perhaps you do too. It seems to be the way of things for all of us some of the time.

This is okay. Busy seasons of life are to be expected. What I don't like, what doesn't feel okay, is the stress. This daily anxiety of things left undone, opportunities missed - whether in work or with my child, husband, friends. Some of this stress feels unavoidable right now; but some, I must admit, is beginning to feel like a choice: a choice to wallow in it, a choice to not remind myself all is well. Choices that feel particularly misguided amid all the suffering I see. Choices the holiday season will prey on with its "never enough" drum beat. 

This is why, when discerning a blog post for this Thanksgiving, I felt the message I most need to hear, to speak once again, is the same as last year: gratefulness. Once again, and over and over, gratefulness. Perhaps you do too...

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FORGIVENESS AT THE HOLIDAY TABLE

| Anne Williamson |

All forgiveness involves grief… I will never know what it feels like to be a boy unconditionally loved by his father. The story of our marriage will never be a fairy tale again. I have broken people I love with my own brokenness. Those 10 years, I’ll never get those back. 

This is what makes forgiveness so hard. It’s also what makes it sticky. Our grief deserves space; we must give it time. And yet, hold on too long and you begin to identify with… no, as it. The grief becomes entangled in your self – shaping the stories you tell, the life you create.

My favorite definition of forgiveness comes from a 1990 guest on The Oprah Winfrey show named Harold. Paraphrasing him, Oprah says, “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different.” It’s not condoning or excusing; it’s accepting what was, and even what currently is…

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THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR?

| Anne Williamson |

It's November 1. You're still tearing open Halloween candy and storing away spiders, skulls and pumpkins. Perhaps Thanksgiving plans have been set, but the day itself is a surprising three and a half weeks away. And, if you purchase a tree at all, most likely you won't consider doing so until after the turkey - or tofurky - has been cut. All this may be true, but so is this... the Christmas season is here. 

Turn on a TV tonight, walk in a store tomorrow, and you're almost certain to see it: red and green ornaments; white lights; a jolly old man and his elves; ads trying to convince you the product they're selling is exactly what you, or mom or dad, or partner Tom, or little Johnny needs. Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, it assaults you. It cannot be ignored completely.    

This isn't necessarily bad. Many of us enjoy Christmas; I know I do. But, even if you don't or it's not your tradition's holiday, it's still worth asking, "Is this season as joyful as it can be for me? My family? Community? Is it really the most wonderful time of the year?" ...

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YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS SPEAKING

| Anne Williamson |

Recently, for an article coming out in October on WAYfinding, I was asked this question, "What's your ultimate goal?" My response: 

For me, one of the most interesting and important questions in life is: To what do you live faithfully?  Because, we all live faithfully to something. As theologian Paul Tillich would say, “We all have an Ultimate Concern.” You would think this would be a question we’d be encouraged to explore in school, at work, at home – since it impacts everything we do – but it’s generally not. Often, our Ultimate Concern develops and resides in our subconscious alone.  For me, this is no good. Our Ultimate Concern, that to which we live faithfully, needs to be drawn out and evaluated: Is it what you thought? Is it worthy of your whole life?

On a deep level, this is the point of WAYfinding: to help people discover an Ultimate Concern worthy of their whole life. And then, to help them learn to live faithfully to that Concern everyday, to learn to listen to it. This, to me, is faith, and it requires a kind of bravery and permission beyond the mandatory checking of certain belief boxes.

This, then, is why, in WAYfinding, our lens, our shared commitment, is not a statement of beliefs but a process. ...

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THE POWER OF PRESENCE

| David Barickman |

This summer I am working as a chaplain intern in a Clinical Pastoral Education program at a Catholic hospital in Indianapolis. This program is teaching me about many things. What I’m finding most insightful, though, is the power of presence. 

In just a few weeks, I have had the pleasure of spending time with patients from many different backgrounds, faiths, and walks of life. One thing all of these encounters shared in common was the importance of presence. It seems, no matter who we are, in crisis moments, we simply need someone with us, to hear our story, to see our tears, to share our pain, and not run away. 

For me, these have been holy moments. ...

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THE IMPORTANCE OF OBSERVING SEPARATION

| Kate Miller |

"Separation, the deadliest of sins." - Kate Miller

The last round of WAYfinding solidified a more universal definition of sin for me: separation. Specifically, to ask myself, “Where in my life is separation taking place and how am I at cause?” 

Earlier this month, I had the experience of being in the presence of two people who at their core are very similar, though their lives have played out quite differently. One builds bridges, causing people of differing backgrounds to connect through his creative talent. The other abandoned his creative talent and burned countless bridges due to the consequences of his choices.

It may begin in subtle ways, early in our life; but, over time, patterns of habitual thoughts, words, actions develop causing separation – from ourselves, others and what we may call god. ...

 

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WORDS TO LIVE BY

| Ashley Parsons | 

Since we moved into our home, four years ago, I have been looking for a sweet little saying to put on the arch that is over the nook in our kitchen. You know, something that every time I look up at it I am reminded, reassured, and re-inspired. The first saying I nearly committed to was, “Don’t Mind the Mess, the Children are Making Memories.” I do, still, really love this one. First of all, I get to pretty much justify any mess in the house because, really, who is going to question the making of memories by my sweet little cherubs? Also, it reminds my husband and I that it is good to stop and enjoy the moment. I much prefer enjoying the moment to cleaning. Every time. Always. My husband, maybe not....

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HAVE I REALLY STOPPED TO LISTEN? - TAKE 2 (OR 1,002)

| Anne Williamson |

A couple weeks ago, I was re-reading old blog posts for a sermon I'm writing when I came across this one...

October 7, 2014

On Sunday, WAYfinding folks and friends got together for a sensory nature walk through a local park. The kids involved received a scavenger hunt list - things to touch, hear, see and smell. One of these items was to hear a bird. As my daughter and I took off, we felt rough and smooth bark, saw light streaming through the trees, heard friends laughing, but no birds. I remember thinking to myself, "Well, this is too bad. It must be too cold for the birds this morning. None of the kids are going to be able to complete their list." 

We went on like this for maybe 25 minutes when a question appeared in my mind's eye, "Have you really stopped to listen?" I had not. So, I scooped my daughter up, used the universal sign for "shhh," and asked her to close her eyes with mommy. ...

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3 QUESTION SURVEY

Next Sunday I'll be teaching at entry.point church in Carmel on why it's more interesting and honest - even faithful - to be a community of rebels rather than conformists. One of my points will be all the good it does to expose ourselves to diverse ideas and perspectives. Community, though perhaps more chaotic, is wisest when created from varied voices.

In WAYfinding, I do my best to practice what I preach (in this case, literally). So, I want to hear from you! What are your ideas for our community? In July, I'll be taking space to listen - more on that next week - and I want your vision for WAYfinding to percolate with my own. Each of your voices is rich with the divine accent; please complete this short survey this week so I can create from your v/Voices as well as my own. Thank you!

- Anne

(The basic survey is 3 questions. However, if you were involved in any group from Fall 2014 - Spring 2015, if possible, please also take the time to provide feedback on your experience(s).)

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UNSPOKEN STORIES

| Anne Williamson |

We are story-telling creatures. We tell our stories at length in books and film, and in short vignettes on Facebook and Instagram. We ask our roommates - aged 2 to 102 - to tell us the stories of their day, to listen as we share ours. We shout our stories, whisper them, sing them, photograph them, pray them. And, not just our own: we love telling the stories of others too. 

All these stories we tell, we hear, they swirl around us. Are they also a part of us? Becoming so? What pieces of the stories we tell speak to the unspoken stories, beliefs, inside? What pieces of the stories we hear become the foundations of our new "unspokens"?

Because in a lifetime of telling stories, it is the unspoken ones that matter most. ...

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I KNOW BETTER. NOW WHAT?

| Anne Williamson |

Bill Maher once said, "Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease." Interestingly, I don't know whether he said this in support or opposition of the shift. I assume he doesn't like the "religulous" word sin; and yet, I experience him as a strong believer - yes, believer - in personal responsibility, which "disease" diminishes.

Either way, remove "everything" from his statement - obviously Maher hasn't been to marriage counseling where absolutes are a major "no-no" - and it rings true. Liberal camps, even those of the religious persuasion, hate blaming sin on the sinner. Admittedly, I lean this direction too. Hang around me long enough and you're sure to hear me repeat Maya Angelou's famous words, "When you know better, you do better." 

The thing is, Maya's words aren't meant to "let us off the hook;" they're meant to call us to better....

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WHY LUST MAY BE GOOD

| Anne Williamson |

I am going to let you in on my little secret: I am a "buck the system" kind of gal. Blame it on my follow-the-rules childhood, liberal arts education, or millennial-noding 1981 birth year, but once I understood many of our “truths” are in fact constructions – of culture, society, even religion – my inner rebel was unleashed. 

Maybe this is why I'm fascinated by psychologist Christopher Ryan's TED Talk on the history of human sexuality. In it, he argues our standard sexual narrative – where men and women exist in an oppositional relationship of male goods and services for female reproductive potential and fidelity – was/is a construction of culture, not biology. Before agriculture, our ancestors were sexually egalitarian and inclusive. Some of us may respond to this idea with unease, worried Ryan is advocating sexually liberal relationships for all; but, his argument isn’t in support of a particular lifestyle. In fact, this is kind of the point and what makes his talk spiritually interesting to me....

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GREED

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

When I hear the word greed, my body recoils. Shame is at least part of the reason. I may not be someone who perpetually wants more but I have early, hard-to-shake memories of feeling ashamed of the much more I already had. I recoil too because greed seems to be directly and indirectly responsible for so much pain: the Earth’s; the poor’s; women’s; even, when we begin to think spiritually, the pain of greed’s perpetuators.  

Nick Hanauer, one of our country’s .01% ers, agrees… in a way. His concern for he and his fellow plutocrats is not spiritual; it’s practical. In his TED Talk, Hanauer explains why the inevitable consequences of greed in the form of historically high income inequality will be an unstable democracy and less profitable businesses – realities bad for all. In Hanauer's view, this alone should compel us to end gross inequality; he doesn’t mind the moral argument; he simply thinks it unnecessary. 

I don’t agree....

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THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

This week in WAYfinding we begin discussing the Seven Deadly Sins. If your mind immediately went to the movie starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman; yes, those are the seven to which I'm referring, but no, images from our approach will not haunt you 20 years later. Bad call in letting me watch that movie, Mom and Dad; bad call.

Chilling flashbacks aside, I like the Seven Deadly Sins as our framework....

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ANYTHING BUT SIMPLE

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

It was the summer of 2002. I was sitting dead center in a large, megachurch auditorium. I had been struggling with my concepts of God and church for some time; so, although the good student in me wanted to sit near the front, I moved back in an act of deviance. I was there because the visiting preacher, Rob Bell, intrigued me; and yet, somehow, I needed him and everyone to know I would not be mindlessly accepting what was said. The best I came up with was to pick a less "enthusiastic" seat.

I only remember one part of the sermon that day: an aside where Rob Bell spent maybe a minute talking about corporate sin. It was a minute, though, I'd never heard uttered in church. I had grown up attending Sunday school and youth groups, going on mission trips and volunteering, being confirmed for Christ's sake, literally; yet sin committed on a larger scale, by societies or the groups within them, had never been discussed. The concept resonated deeply; why was this the first I was hearing of it?

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