FORGIVENESS AT THE HOLIDAY TABLE

| Anne Williamson |

All forgiveness involves grief… I will never know what it feels like to be a boy unconditionally loved by his father. The story of our marriage will never be a fairy tale again. I have broken people I love with my own brokenness. Those 10 years, I’ll never get those back. 

This is what makes forgiveness so hard. It’s also what makes it sticky. Our grief deserves space; we must give it time. And yet, hold on too long and you begin to identify with… no, as it. The grief becomes entangled in your self – shaping the stories you tell, the life you create.

My favorite definition of forgiveness comes from a 1990 guest on The Oprah Winfrey show named Harold. Paraphrasing him, Oprah says, “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different.” It’s not condoning or excusing; it’s accepting what was, and even what currently is…

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THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR?

| Anne Williamson |

It's November 1. You're still tearing open Halloween candy and storing away spiders, skulls and pumpkins. Perhaps Thanksgiving plans have been set, but the day itself is a surprising three and a half weeks away. And, if you purchase a tree at all, most likely you won't consider doing so until after the turkey - or tofurky - has been cut. All this may be true, but so is this... the Christmas season is here. 

Turn on a TV tonight, walk in a store tomorrow, and you're almost certain to see it: red and green ornaments; white lights; a jolly old man and his elves; ads trying to convince you the product they're selling is exactly what you, or mom or dad, or partner Tom, or little Johnny needs. Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, it assaults you. It cannot be ignored completely.    

This isn't necessarily bad. Many of us enjoy Christmas; I know I do. But, even if you don't or it's not your tradition's holiday, it's still worth asking, "Is this season as joyful as it can be for me? My family? Community? Is it really the most wonderful time of the year?" ...

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JOY: WHAT'S THE EGO GOT TO DO WITH IT?

| Anne Williamson |

Oh, the ego! Such a tiny word, so many disparate opinions. Am I to love my ego or hate it? Embrace it or reject it? Is ambivalence a healthy choice?

For me, the jury is still out. However, I did recently run across an illuminating perspective. It comes from Vedic philosophy. (The Vedas are a large body of texts originating in India 3000 years ago; they are the oldest scriptures of Hinduism.) In this philosophy, there is a Sanskrit term ahamkara that is related to the ego. Essentially, my true self or soul, atma, enters a state of ahamkara when my mind begins identifying this true self/soul with external things, whether they be material (e.g., my body, possessions, kids) or conceptual (e.g. my thoughts, memories, preferences). In the Vedic tradition, this identification is an illusion.

In connecting this perspective to the Western term ego, some say ahamkara is the ego, others that the ego helps construct the illusion. Either way, my own experience supports this Vedic idea that to connect to - perhaps even reside in - my true self or soul is to stop my mind from identifying so heavily with the material or conceptual things around it. The truest, wisest part of me - the part that knows what really matters, what brings me real joy, what lessons I'm here to learn - is most accessible when I'm not in a state of ahamkara. 

I don't necessarily think this means the ego is entirely bad....

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YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS SPEAKING

| Anne Williamson |

Recently, for an article coming out in October on WAYfinding, I was asked this question, "What's your ultimate goal?" My response: 

For me, one of the most interesting and important questions in life is: To what do you live faithfully?  Because, we all live faithfully to something. As theologian Paul Tillich would say, “We all have an Ultimate Concern.” You would think this would be a question we’d be encouraged to explore in school, at work, at home – since it impacts everything we do – but it’s generally not. Often, our Ultimate Concern develops and resides in our subconscious alone.  For me, this is no good. Our Ultimate Concern, that to which we live faithfully, needs to be drawn out and evaluated: Is it what you thought? Is it worthy of your whole life?

On a deep level, this is the point of WAYfinding: to help people discover an Ultimate Concern worthy of their whole life. And then, to help them learn to live faithfully to that Concern everyday, to learn to listen to it. This, to me, is faith, and it requires a kind of bravery and permission beyond the mandatory checking of certain belief boxes.

This, then, is why, in WAYfinding, our lens, our shared commitment, is not a statement of beliefs but a process. ...

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SAVASANA CULTURE

| Amanda Thrasher |

"Most of the things we need to be most fully alive never come in busyness. They grow in rest." - Mark Buchanan, The Holy Wild

When I lead and participate in yoga practice, I am reminded that “savasana” is one of the most challenging, yet beneficial poses. For those who are not familiar with yoga terminology, this is the final resting pose at the end of practice wherein one lies on her back, with arms and legs outstretched comfortably, and eyes closed.  Savasana can benefit both mind and body by reducing stress and anxiety, lowering blood pressure, and repairing tissues and cells. Instructors often prompt participants to relax completely in this posture, to surrender to the present moment, and to let go of racing thoughts, to-do lists, and judgments. Regardless of such prompts, occasionally a participant will ask me: “what exactly am I supposed to do in savasana?”

When I ponder the habits of my own daily life outside of yoga practice, it becomes clear to me why savasana may be so challenging for many of us. ...

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THE COURAGE TO BE

| Anne Williamson |

I am currently reading a book titled The Courage To Be by philosopher and theologian Paul Tillich. I'm not very far along. I can't yet say, definitively, what Tillich meant by his title. I like it regardless.

We do not live in a culture that makes it easy to be. Our culture screams, "Do!" and even "Fear!" So, I agree; I think it takes courage to be. It takes courage to still our minds and remember who we are, to remember we have access to, are part of, God - or whatever you call that which is bigger than self and draws you, us, to peace and wholeness. This takes courage.

This courage I seek, often, it helps me to speak it aloud. ...

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DO YOUR CORE BELIEFS & VALUES GUIDE YOUR LIFE?

| Jim Thorne | 

"The marvelous thing about learning from a story is that the story never ends, so our learning from it need not end either." - Parker Palmer

While at lunch with an acquaintance, he brought me up short with this question: “So, Jim, at your core, what are your deepest held beliefs and values and how do they influence your daily activities?” My first thought was, “Gosh, I thought this was just a friendly lunch.” My second thought was, “What a great question.”

In responding to the question, I realized it was not immediately clear to me what my core beliefs and values were. This was a wake-up call. I had a good sense of how I lived my life, but I found clearly articulating my beliefs and values difficult. I thought, “If they’re not clear to me, then they’re not fully influencing my daily activities.” My curiosity was awakened. ...

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OUR BODIES TELL OUR STORIES

| Carolyn Lesmeister |

"Movement never lies. It is a barometer telling the state of the soul's weather." - Martha Graham

Our bodies tell our stories.

Old or young, large or small, wrinkled or taut; stretch-marked or scarred, they say something about who we are and what we’ve experienced.

Even more than physical characteristics that we may or may not be able to control, what we do with our bodies communicates powerful messages not only to the people around us, but also to our very own selves.

Have you ever paid attention to how you respond physically to different emotions?...

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THE IMPORTANCE OF OBSERVING SEPARATION

| Kate Miller |

"Separation, the deadliest of sins." - Kate Miller

The last round of WAYfinding solidified a more universal definition of sin for me: separation. Specifically, to ask myself, “Where in my life is separation taking place and how am I at cause?” 

Earlier this month, I had the experience of being in the presence of two people who at their core are very similar, though their lives have played out quite differently. One builds bridges, causing people of differing backgrounds to connect through his creative talent. The other abandoned his creative talent and burned countless bridges due to the consequences of his choices.

It may begin in subtle ways, early in our life; but, over time, patterns of habitual thoughts, words, actions develop causing separation – from ourselves, others and what we may call god. ...

 

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WORDS TO LIVE BY

| Ashley Parsons | 

Since we moved into our home, four years ago, I have been looking for a sweet little saying to put on the arch that is over the nook in our kitchen. You know, something that every time I look up at it I am reminded, reassured, and re-inspired. The first saying I nearly committed to was, “Don’t Mind the Mess, the Children are Making Memories.” I do, still, really love this one. First of all, I get to pretty much justify any mess in the house because, really, who is going to question the making of memories by my sweet little cherubs? Also, it reminds my husband and I that it is good to stop and enjoy the moment. I much prefer enjoying the moment to cleaning. Every time. Always. My husband, maybe not....

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HAVE I REALLY STOPPED TO LISTEN? - TAKE 2 (OR 1,002)

| Anne Williamson |

A couple weeks ago, I was re-reading old blog posts for a sermon I'm writing when I came across this one...

October 7, 2014

On Sunday, WAYfinding folks and friends got together for a sensory nature walk through a local park. The kids involved received a scavenger hunt list - things to touch, hear, see and smell. One of these items was to hear a bird. As my daughter and I took off, we felt rough and smooth bark, saw light streaming through the trees, heard friends laughing, but no birds. I remember thinking to myself, "Well, this is too bad. It must be too cold for the birds this morning. None of the kids are going to be able to complete their list." 

We went on like this for maybe 25 minutes when a question appeared in my mind's eye, "Have you really stopped to listen?" I had not. So, I scooped my daughter up, used the universal sign for "shhh," and asked her to close her eyes with mommy. ...

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I AM LIGHT

| Anne Williamson |

It's been 9 weeks of talking about sin, folks. I don't know about you, but I'm a little sin-weary. The conversations have been important and thoughtful, the insights meaningful; but, I think it's time for a blog post on puppies, babies and rainbows.

Unfortunately, I have no idea how to write that blog post. It seems to me little beings and breathtaking skies are always infinitely better in person than on the page. Instead, I offer you something else beautiful...

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UNSPOKEN STORIES

| Anne Williamson |

We are story-telling creatures. We tell our stories at length in books and film, and in short vignettes on Facebook and Instagram. We ask our roommates - aged 2 to 102 - to tell us the stories of their day, to listen as we share ours. We shout our stories, whisper them, sing them, photograph them, pray them. And, not just our own: we love telling the stories of others too. 

All these stories we tell, we hear, they swirl around us. Are they also a part of us? Becoming so? What pieces of the stories we tell speak to the unspoken stories, beliefs, inside? What pieces of the stories we hear become the foundations of our new "unspokens"?

Because in a lifetime of telling stories, it is the unspoken ones that matter most. ...

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I KNOW BETTER. NOW WHAT?

| Anne Williamson |

Bill Maher once said, "Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease." Interestingly, I don't know whether he said this in support or opposition of the shift. I assume he doesn't like the "religulous" word sin; and yet, I experience him as a strong believer - yes, believer - in personal responsibility, which "disease" diminishes.

Either way, remove "everything" from his statement - obviously Maher hasn't been to marriage counseling where absolutes are a major "no-no" - and it rings true. Liberal camps, even those of the religious persuasion, hate blaming sin on the sinner. Admittedly, I lean this direction too. Hang around me long enough and you're sure to hear me repeat Maya Angelou's famous words, "When you know better, you do better." 

The thing is, Maya's words aren't meant to "let us off the hook;" they're meant to call us to better....

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WHY LUST MAY BE GOOD

| Anne Williamson |

I am going to let you in on my little secret: I am a "buck the system" kind of gal. Blame it on my follow-the-rules childhood, liberal arts education, or millennial-noding 1981 birth year, but once I understood many of our “truths” are in fact constructions – of culture, society, even religion – my inner rebel was unleashed. 

Maybe this is why I'm fascinated by psychologist Christopher Ryan's TED Talk on the history of human sexuality. In it, he argues our standard sexual narrative – where men and women exist in an oppositional relationship of male goods and services for female reproductive potential and fidelity – was/is a construction of culture, not biology. Before agriculture, our ancestors were sexually egalitarian and inclusive. Some of us may respond to this idea with unease, worried Ryan is advocating sexually liberal relationships for all; but, his argument isn’t in support of a particular lifestyle. In fact, this is kind of the point and what makes his talk spiritually interesting to me....

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GREED

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

When I hear the word greed, my body recoils. Shame is at least part of the reason. I may not be someone who perpetually wants more but I have early, hard-to-shake memories of feeling ashamed of the much more I already had. I recoil too because greed seems to be directly and indirectly responsible for so much pain: the Earth’s; the poor’s; women’s; even, when we begin to think spiritually, the pain of greed’s perpetuators.  

Nick Hanauer, one of our country’s .01% ers, agrees… in a way. His concern for he and his fellow plutocrats is not spiritual; it’s practical. In his TED Talk, Hanauer explains why the inevitable consequences of greed in the form of historically high income inequality will be an unstable democracy and less profitable businesses – realities bad for all. In Hanauer's view, this alone should compel us to end gross inequality; he doesn’t mind the moral argument; he simply thinks it unnecessary. 

I don’t agree....

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THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

This week in WAYfinding we begin discussing the Seven Deadly Sins. If your mind immediately went to the movie starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman; yes, those are the seven to which I'm referring, but no, images from our approach will not haunt you 20 years later. Bad call in letting me watch that movie, Mom and Dad; bad call.

Chilling flashbacks aside, I like the Seven Deadly Sins as our framework....

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ANYTHING BUT SIMPLE

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

It was the summer of 2002. I was sitting dead center in a large, megachurch auditorium. I had been struggling with my concepts of God and church for some time; so, although the good student in me wanted to sit near the front, I moved back in an act of deviance. I was there because the visiting preacher, Rob Bell, intrigued me; and yet, somehow, I needed him and everyone to know I would not be mindlessly accepting what was said. The best I came up with was to pick a less "enthusiastic" seat.

I only remember one part of the sermon that day: an aside where Rob Bell spent maybe a minute talking about corporate sin. It was a minute, though, I'd never heard uttered in church. I had grown up attending Sunday school and youth groups, going on mission trips and volunteering, being confirmed for Christ's sake, literally; yet sin committed on a larger scale, by societies or the groups within them, had never been discussed. The concept resonated deeply; why was this the first I was hearing of it?

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WHY TALK ABOUT SIN?

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

Why talk about sin? This is a legitimate question; especially when, for centuries, we've done it so poorly. We've liked our sins obvious and binary: the either-you-did-it-or-you-didn't kind of sins. We've especially liked it when the "it" we're referring to is the big It - you know, sex. We've spent an obscene amount of time on this one: Did she do it at the right time? That is, in marriage. Did he do it with the right person? That is, female. We've used sin to control, label, judge, hate, shame. And though we've generally used it as a weapon against others, turned inward, our approaches still cut and cage.

No wonder we don't want to talk about sin!

The problem is, however understandable our resistance, not talking about sin doesn't serve us. Theologian Barbara Brown Taylor often asks the question, "What is saving your life today?" That is, what is presently giving your life meaning, deep joy, wholeness? It's a powerful question; one that helps us identify good patterns, relationships, rituals, thoughts; and dive more deeply in. But, it's also only one side of the equation. We all also have things in our life that are corrosive to it; thoughts and patterns that erode our peace and wholeness - ours and others. That is, we all also sin. To ignore this piece is inauthentic, isolating, and ultimately undermines the wholeness we seek.

This is why, for the next ten weeks in this blog post and WAYfinding's spring round of groups, we're going to be exploring sin. Each week, our entry point will be a TED Talk that addresses one of the seven deadly sins in a thought-provoking way. The conversations that follow, and weekly questions we'll explore, will serve to give sin the complexity and nuance, seriousness, humor and grace it demands. Our lens will be both practical and theoretical, personal and corporate. Our intention will be, always, to experience and create the kind of freedom, joy, peace and wholeness we all desire - for ourselves and the world.   

Sometimes we need to identify what is saving our life. And, sometimes we need to get real clear about what is killing it. I hope you'll join me through this blog and/or one of our WAYfinding groups in getting clear together.  

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