WHAT WILL MY VERSE BE?

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

Robin Williams has died. Like me, you probably didn't know him personally. Consequently, my grief, our grief, if that's what it is, moves a bit strangely: real but detached; from empathy for him and his family and close friends to reminiscing on acting roles.

What are your Robin Williams memories? I remember, as a kid one summer, the Good Morning, Vietnam soundtrack, including Williams' comedic monologues, played almost nonstop in my dad's car. Then, there came Hook, the genie in Aladdin's bottle and Mrs. Doubtfire. On my first date with my husband we saw The Birdcage, and the first time I thought I loved him came after watching Jumanji - odd, I know.  And, of course, there's Good Will Hunting, Patch Adams and others.

My favorite Williams' movie, though, is Dead Poets Society.  Being only 8 when it was released, I discovered it years later. I loved it; it was serious and sad, but also funny, inspiring and hopeful. It was life. I've shared one of my favorite scenes below. For me, then and now, this scene speaks to vocation - a spiritual word meaning what you are here to do, where you are uniquely called to love the world. Though grammatically I must put a period after its definition, for most of us, really, it needs a question mark. That is, we don't yet know what we're here to do, where we're called to love. And, even if we do, it's ever-evolving and hard, requiring faith and courage. This topic, among others, will be explored this fall in WAYgroups around Indianapolis; if you're interested, let me know. For now, though, let's LISTEN to and LEARN from Wiliams' words and begin to LOVE together. 

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ACCEPTANCE

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

Anyone who knows me well - and now, anyone reading this blog - knows I struggle at times with depression. My fear gets the better of me, and I sink. Thankfully, I always rise too; but, in the moment, depression sucks.

Recently, when in a depressed state, I pulled out my Bible and found myself reading in Matthew I should love my enemies. Having no human enemies, I felt deeply I was to love the "enemy" within: the depression. So, I did. I got still and started sending love to my fear, love to my depression. The best way to describe the result is expansive. I felt my heart soften and open. Instead of the exhaustion of constant resisting and fighting, I began to fall into loving acceptance. In so doing, I felt the fear recede, as if it too had received what it needed.  

What do you think about the idea of acceptance?  Take a moment to write down your thoughts. Then, LEARN, LISTEN, LOVE...

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RESPONDING TO THE WORLD'S PAIN

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

The truth of this world is sad and unjust situations are happening all the time, every second. Sometimes I feel very removed from them - and honestly, it is necessary to; we cannot sit in pain perpetually - but sometimes, I feel them deeply.  Whether Malaysia Airlines Flight 17, the ground offensive in Gaza, immigrant children suffering on the U.S. border, a Facebook post of both mother and child fighting cancer, our broken prison system, or a close friend in pain, this has been a week for feeling it.

When this happens, what do we do? How are we to respond? LEARN, LOVE, LISTEN...

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SPIRITUAL MUSCLE TRAINING

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

I love to garden. No, that's not broad enough: I love all yard work. I do. I love being outside, digging in the dirt and listening to nature. I love the physicality; sawing off a dead limb on a tree makes me feel strong and capable. And, I love its tangible results; spend a few minutes and that bush takes shape; spend a few hours and that garden bed is alive with new colors. It's satisfying. Me + it = something I can see, a project done. 

I love spirituality too, but hardly because it behaves similar to gardening. The nature thing is there, but often it's incredibly frustrating how head and heart and intangible the whole thing feels. Whether your chosen path to connect is meditation or chanting or "accepting Jesus" or whatever, you + it doesn't always = peace, enlightenment, you name it. Changing the shape of our hearts and minds, our lives, the world, is slow work, satisfying often only in time.   

This is why I'm starting to think it takes real practice and discipline. Why "they," whoever they are, were wise folks when they named the methods we use to connect and grow in love exactly that: spiritual practices, spiritual disciplines. I'm presently smack dab in the middle of a 21-day meditation challenge, and I can hear my spirit saying, "This is what is required, if you want peace." Not necessarily meditation, but a commitment to train my "spiritual muscles," a commitment to practice until and through new habits or ways of being take shape. What do you think? LISTEN on, LEARN, LOVE...

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LISTENING TO DEATH

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

I'm not someone who generally thinks a lot about death. But, lately, I've been thinking about it more. Having a child started the ball rolling, with its accompanying SIDS and baby proofing and writing of the will. Then, a young family friend died suddenly, and I officiated the wedding of another family friend whose father almost died. Neighbors have or are in the process of saying goodbye to their beloved dog, and shootings are rampant in the city. Death is here; it is an unshakable part of life. 

Maybe, then, it's worth thinking about. Not all the time, but sometimes and not just when it is thrust upon us. I don't wish for death - for myself and more so for the ones I love, for the ones anyone loves. But, I also don't want to live in fear of it or miss its lessons. LISTEN, LEARN, LOVE... 

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A CLIMATE ACTION PLAN FOR INDIANA

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

My internet has been "acting up" today. I'd love to find a way to blame this on climate change, as it would serve as the perfect introduction to today's topic; but, alas, I'll have to be content to keep cursing AT&T. (And, look, I found a way to use it and publicly vent my frustration anyway!)

As it turns out, though, I'm "in luck," for according to the National Climate Assessment Report released on May 6, there are plenty of other, far worse problems to blame on climate change: extreme heat and humidity, decreased agricultural productivity, increased health risks due to reduced air and water quality, invasive species, flooding and damaging thunderstorms, and this is just the Midwest. Our climate is changing and not for the better.

This, of course, worries and saddens me. I think about my daughter, who will inherit a world she did not create. I think about the poor, who consume less stuff but disproportionately ingest more bad air, water, food, etc. Animals carry this burden too. And, I think about the Earth, the home we depend on and yet destroy.

Under the weight of these thoughts, I feel my spirit ache. I don't believe this is the way we're called to live and be. I believe we're called to better vision, greater consciousness: to see the connections and interdependence, and live accordingly. I believe we're called to love better.

Spend the next few minutes LEARNing and LISTENing to your own spirit, to the Spirit. What do you feel? Hear? What's stirring? Then, consider actively LOV(E)ing by adding your name to the below petition for Indiana to create a climate action plan.

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CENTERING PRAYER

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

Returning from vacation is never easy. It's been especially hard for me this week. I've been emotionally chaotic and physically stagnant; the worst of combinations in my book. Sure, it's also brought about some blessed conversations and insights, but I can't help thinking, if only I'd taken the time to center and listen, I could have kept the "a-ha's" and skipped the drama. 

Hence, my offering to you today is what I offered myself this morning: Centering Prayer. LEARN, LISTEN, LOVE...

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EUREKA! A WATCH

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

In the last few weeks, I have started wearing a watch again. I had read somewhere it can help you check your smartphone less frequently - which I want to do - so I decided to give it a try. And... it helps. It really does. Of course, I still reach for my phone much more than is necessary - it's an easy avoidance and procrastination tool, and mostly it's habit - but even if the watch cuts five 2-minute tap-and-scroll-throughs from my day, it seems worth it. That's five more opportunities to stay present, to feel, to be.

The watch I'm wearing now was my maternal grandmothers. In thinking back, I don't have a single memory of her moving quickly or multi-tasking. Her movements always seemed to say, "We've got time and I'm right here," even if her words did not. Maybe it was the watch. LISTEN, LEARN, LOVE...

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THE WHOLE PSALM

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

As a teenager, I loved Psalm 139. Because I struggled with depression, verses such as 11 and 12 - "If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day..." - were deeply comforting. I felt hopeful and connected to something bigger when reading it.

That is, until I got to verse 19. You can read the whole psalm here, but to give you an idea the next few verses include, "O that you would kill the wicked, O God... Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?... I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies." Such anger and violence. Ideas that did not sit well with my image of God. I wanted to take a giant red pen through them... and so I did. For many years, anytime I read or shared Psalm 139, I simply skipped over verses 19 - 22. I did this until it stopped working for me... LEARN, LISTEN, LOVE...

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ONE SONG GLORY

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

Both my husband, Todd, and I love to sing our daughter to bed. Whereas I almost always sing "Edelweiss" from The Sound of Music, Todd's selections jump around. So, a few nights ago, I asked, "What did you sing to her?" Because he couldn't think of the title, he started singing to me, "... One song, a song about love. Glory, from the soul of a young man. A young man, find the one song...." He then added, "I'm pretty sure it's called 'One Song.'" Well, I was pretty sure it wasn't, "No, it's just called, 'Glory.' I'm fairly certain." (The unspoken here was we both knew it was from Rent, a love for which we've shared for 18 years and occasionally erupts into this kind of trivia sparring.) Todd, upping the pride ante: "No, it's definitely called 'One Song.'" Me: "No, it's 'Glory,' for sure." Todd: "Okay, let's look it up." Wait. Wait. Wait. A not-quite-gloating smile emerges on his face, "It's called, 'One Song... Glory." I smile ironically and say out loud, "Of course. Of course it is." LISTEN, LEARN, LOVE...

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THE IMPORTANCE OF STORY

|ANNE WILLIAMSON|

WAYfinding is both a growing online community, through this blog, and a "bricks and mortar" community in Indianapolis. For the last two weeks, the latter has been discussing the importance of story. Namely, in taking the time to detail and reflect on our life story(ies) thus far, its lessons, patterns and wisdom can arise.   

The importance of such work was echoed beautifully in a NPR Here & Now story last week titled "Restarting Life Out From Under Polio's Shadow." In it, Gail Caldwell thoughtfully reflects on how a surgery in her 50s that greatly improved a limp she'd had from polio since 6 months of age challenged her story.   

LEARN, then let's reflect and LOVE together and keep LISTENing...

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HONESTY

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

I am increasingly convinced honesty sits at the heart of all good things. Want to uncover your passion? Get honest about answering the question, "What would I do if I weren't afraid?" Looking for deeper connections? Be honest about who you are - where you struggle and find joy. Want to laugh really hard? Just wait for the next honestly human and hilarious moment. Frustrated about your relationship with food? Find the courage (and support) to explore why and how you really use it. Wondering why your prayers feel flat? Ditch the pretense and try a little raw truth: "God, I don't trust you" or "I guess I really don't want to forgive. I'm afraid of what forgiving means: forgetting, me being 'okay'..." or "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" or... 

Honesty isn't particularly easy, especially when we're unaccustomed to it. It can even be painful... but only at first. Then, it becomes the key to our freedom, joy, reconciliation, you name it. LISTEN, LEARN, LOVE. What do you hear, honestly?

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GRACE

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

I used to think of grace as a decision on God's part. To be sure, it was a loving decision made often by a generous God, but it was still a decision. To be gracious was a part of God's job description.

Today, grace for me simply is. It's not a decision God makes; it is God. And, because God is everywhere, in everything, so is grace.

Consequently, I play a much less passive role in grace's presence in my life. I still don't earn it; we can't earn something that simply is. But, I do see it as something to which I may be open or not, with which I may align my spirit or not. It's like awakening to a world of color from black and white. Each ordinary moment holds extraordinary beauty and potential. The question for me has become, "Am I brave enough to see it and listen?"

What do you think? How do you understand grace and your relationship to it? LISTEN, LEARN, LOVE...  

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HOLY WEEK

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

It's a big week in the Christian tradition: Holy Week, Easter. And, I'll be honest: I don't know what to do about it. The story, and thus its commemorative days, is deeply meaningful to me; yet, I have little desire to attend church. I want my daughter - and myself - to experience traditions beyond bunnies and eggs; yet, I don't yet know what to incorporate or create.

I've been rereading the book of Mark over the last few weeks, and it strikes me that Jesus too was celebrating holy days at this time: Passover. Of course, his circumstances were unique. And yet, amid the extraordinary, I also read a deeply human struggle: how to remember an old story in ways that feel honest and connecting, personally. For Jesus, given his obvious disdain for the practice, we can assume temple sacrifices went off his list (Mark 11.15-19). He also seems to have taken a traditional meal, the Passover Seder, and infused it with new meaning for himself and his disciples, what became The Lord's Supper (Mark 14.22-24).

Since that time, many new (Christian) traditions have arisen. We don't have to label each "good" or "bad" to discern whether a tradition is personally meaningful. What feels honest and connecting for you may not for your neighbor. Jesus' reimagining of his own traditions teaches that what matters most is to discern the story's point and live authentically from there. What would it look like for you, for me, to do the same? LISTEN, LEARN, LOVE... 

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VULNERABILITY

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

My daughter is walking now. Yea! She's also falling now... A LOT. And not soft, little bottom plops.  Big, face-plant falls into unkind objects. I hate when she gets hurts, but it's complicated because I'm also proud of why she gets hurt: she's willing to fall.

In the below reflection by Lily Percy, she writes, "Part of living curiously is being open to failure. And part of failure is being willing to be vulnerable." 

The thing about kids is they're necessarily vulnerable. They don't have a choice.  It's either step forward or forever remain seated. For parents, this can be scary, but more so, if we let it, it's inspiring. What would happen if we each chose, or perhaps accepted, vulnerability? Would it stop holding us back? Would we, like kids, become more willing to fall, to fail, to step forward curiously? In fact, would we begin to see vulnerability as a prerequisite for growth? LEARN, LISTEN, LOVE...  

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STILLNESS IN DECISION MAKING

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

You may or may not be familiar with last week's World Vision news story. To summarize: World Vision works to end poverty and injustice around the world, most visibly through child sponsorship. On Monday, March 24, World Vision (US branch) announced it would begin employing gay Christians in legal same-sex marriages. After intense criticism and dropped sponsorships from conservative evangelical Christians, on March 26, WV reversed that decision.  

Now, as a person unapologetically in favor of comprehensive equal rights for LGBTQ individuals, there are a myriad of reasons I'm anti WV's reversal; but, honestly, the biggest has to do with timing. Sources tell us WV spent 2 years in prayer and discernment around employing committed LGBTQ folks. They took just 2 days to reverse that decision! 2 years of listening amid normal daily life versus 2 days of mind-racing amid a media frenzy and disappearing contributions. If God "speaks," how does God "speak"? How do we decide to trust what it is we "hear"? LISTEN, LEARN, LOVE...  

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HAPPY

| ANNE WILLIAMSON |

I've been thinking a lot about happiness lately... and not just because I love the Pharrell song. Namely, how does one "get" happy? Perhaps it is the consequence of circumstance. Or, one's natural disposition. Maybe it's more like an object, floating in and out of our life "willy nilly" at the whim of our subconscious. Or, maybe it's a choice. Perhaps a choice hindered or bolstered by other choices, daily, minute-to-minute even. LISTEN, LEARN, LOVE...

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